My basement, uh
Gonna show you my beautiful basement
Where the concrete floor feels cool to the touch
I'll turn up the heat if it's too much
I'll turn on the lightbulb on the wire
Turn on the dehumidifier
I'm serious when I flick this next switch
Look you in the eye, and I say, "Check this"

My trains, uh, my trains, uh
I got small ones, tiny little trains
I come down here just to get away
My trains, ah, my trains, ah
It's like magic, magic trains
I wish these trains could take me away
Chugga chugga, woo-woo

In the club, the Model Railroad Club
A motherfucker said shit about my trains
Might as well have took a shit on my brain
'Cause I went insane

I laid track on his ass with a styrofoam bat
But the president never did let me back after that
Shit, I said, "Fuck you!"

Who needs a punk ass choo choo crew anywho?